The Four Loves: Eros

Today we had the privilege of listening to one of the few recordings of C.S. Lewis reading one of his sermons or essays. We listened to a recording nearly identical to the Eros chapter in Lewis’ book The Four Loves. It was very interesting to actually here Lewis’ own voice, instead of reading something for which we use our own internal voice.

One of the most interesting ideas Lewis said about Eros is that the presence of it is not a moral issue. That is, Eros and morality are not in any way related. For example, in arranged marriages, there might not be Eros, but it can still be a God-honoring, moral marriage. On the other hand, in a case of adultery, there is usually Eros, but it is definitely not moral.

Another insightful thought is how Eros is not just sexual love, but romantic love in general. This means that Eros is being in love with someone and necessitates being in love with everything about them, not just their body. I agree with Lewis when he says that more often, you fall in love with someone as a person (i.e. their personality) before you have a desire to love them sexually.

True Eros, Lewis says, is when it is “better to be miserable with her than happy without her”. I think this is a very bold idea for Lewis to have, because he is saying that true love doesn’t necessarily require happiness. I had never thought about this before. I like how that definition shows how essential the person is to your life when you are in love, but I would think that if you are with the person you love, happiness would inexorably come. Of course, happiness will not be constantly present, but in general, happiness will accompany real Eros.

The most important thing Lewis says, however, is about we need to work at preserving our romantic love, or it won’t last. Lewis gives two analogies to show that “no passion is self-preservative”: first, falling in love is like diving off of a diving board, but being in love is the swimming that inevitably follows. Diving is the easy part, but we need to work at staying afloat, or our love will sink. The second analogy is that of a garden. At the beginning, a relationship may look like a beautiful garden, but as everyone knows, a garden will not weed itself. If left unchecked, the garden will be no more and all that will remain is yard waste.